what is love? i've never experienced it, but i know what it is.

Love? just what does this word mean? what does love feel like? why do i want to love so badly?

if you've asked these questions, then you came to the right place to find an answer, not a perfect answer, but one that comes from someone whose mind is fixated on this same question, and with a mind that searches deep for a profound answer.

i'm 20 years old, and ever since i began to acknowledge the need deep inside me for the feelings of another human, i constantly asked my self, from the minute i wake up, to the second i fall asleep "what is love?" i searched my soul, i searched the internet, i searched while in relationships, and i searched in prayer. i found myself praying for someone to come along and show me the meaning of love, to bring to light the feelings of those lucky enough to this thing called love. "i'm no one special" i constantly thought as relationship after relationship, and sleepless night after sleepless night came and gone. "why god, can i not find love?" the more i matured, and the more i grew up, it dawned on me slowly but surely, what love really is.

it began when i met a girl by the name of Rowan, she was laid back, and cute, and very funny, to me, that was good enough, i thought i grew to love her, i even proposed to her without a ring. i trusted her, to the very depths of my heart and i thought i had found what love was!..... but i was wrong, she cheated on me, three times, twice with the same person, and blamed it on the drugs and alcohol. i was heart broken and everything inside me told me to run, to get away, to give up on her and leave! but no my daily thoughts, and nightly prayers asking about the true nature of love were poking at the back of my mind. so i stayed thinking that our "love" would conquer all. but we inevitably fell apart, and lost our feelings for one another, to this day i still think "what if?" and to be honest who doesn't think that way. what if we hadn't broken up? what if we kept going and pulled through? would he/she have been "the one?" my personal answer to those questions would be: who knows?

After rowan came Courtney, she was beautiful, shy, and funny, and she had a way with words that made me feel comfortable around her. and i searched, yet again, for another chance at finding love. everyday i was with her i searched my soul, i searched my heart, and yet again, sleepless, prayer filled nights, full of tears and questions pertaining to love. i felt nothing for her, i couldn't lead her on, so i had to let her go.

Once the awkward loss of a girlfriend had passed, thoughts of love turned into a path down the dark side of my thoughts. i figured, since i couldn't find love, then i wasn't good enough for love, therefore no one was good enough for mine. several relationships that lasted but weeks or only had to do with sex came and went until i met Sarah. she was shy, awkward, and pretty, i couldn't help but stare at her, and with this relationship came my realization into exactly what love is.

At the beginning of this two year relationship was what people described as the honeymoon period, the period of a relationship that many couples go through where there is no fights, and its nothing but blissful happiness and no drama. but the longer it lasts, the more quickly it will turn ugly, fights, and arguments that start for no reason, jealousy, anger, hateful words said for no reason. but they say that if your meant to be with the person your with, that you will survive in the toughest of fights, and the toughest of situations. we weren't strong enough, we fought about petty little things, and never had anything to talk about. it eventually got boring, and dull, there was nothing to do when we hung out and feelings fade when you don't enjoy the company of your boyfriend or girlfriend.

we eventually broke up. The thoughts came back, and 6 months of being single, and that being the longest you've ever been single since my first girlfriend, have a huge impact. i thought to myself, i need a break from relationships, i need to finish college, and get my business started, i don't have time for a girlfriend. i still share the same thoughts, but still to this moment i think about love.

This time, i know what it is, i may not love anyone enough, and i may not have found "the one." but one things for sure. I've matured enough to know exactly what love is.

Love, although it may be intangible, everyone feels it, and everyone yearns to ultimately find someone that completes them. without love, you feel like somethings missing, a void left untouched. It's a terrible feeling, you feel as if sometimes, life has no meaning unless someones there to love who you are or what your doing. every human being, there is no exception, searches for love. and to find it you are considered to be lucky. but the love i want, the love many people want, isn't the "good enough" love, or the "the best i can get" love, its true love.

What is love? love is unconditional, love is pure, love is to want, need, and desire one person, only one person. It's hard to form my feelings into words, but here is my feelings on love

i want to be able to know, that the person i fall in love with, will fall in love with me just as hard. not once have i fully given myself to any of the girls i have grown to care about. But when i find that one girl, the girl who will be able receive every amount of love, every bit of care, every ounce of compassion and all the passion i have inside of me, building up, and give it back to me equally. i cant put enough emphasis on equality, there is no exception to this rule. love knows no bounds, love knows no race, love knows no judgment, love knows no conditions. agape love is unconditional, storge love is the sense of belonging, eros love is the head-over-heals feeling of a relationship, phileo love is the tender affection for the beloved, and epithumia love is the strong desire (lust) for the lover. these are the 5 types of love, and the only way i can explain my feelings, when i find the girl i will fall in love with, i want to be able to love her for who she is, without any conditions, i want to fall madly in love with her and never be able to look back, i want to feel as though we were meant to be together, that god, in his infinite power, created her for me, and me for her. i want to desire her, want her, need her, and never grow old of her touch, her voice, her smell.. this type of love, is almost impossible to find. i have my whole life to find the girl that's out there for me, and you have the rest of your life to find yours. don't worry about being picky, its your love, you get to choose who you give it to, and you get to be as picky as you want.

THAT is what love truly is.